New Star Wars Collectible

So I took a bit of an unannounced hiatus but I have returned. I was entertaining a friend from out of the country so a lot of my time went into trying to be a good host. While she was here, we had a lot of fun going to a whole assortment of events, shows, restaurants, and the like. It was a blast and it was nice to get her to the local art event, First Friday. It had been a while since I had last been as it seemed almost like it was dying but maybe it was an off month then. For those who don’t know what First Friday is, it’s a big art walk in downtown Phoenix where the galleries are free to enter and many artists get tables and sell their work. My understanding is a few other cities and states have this but I’ve only been to the one in Phoenix because I’m a hermit and have a limit on my travel distance. All the same, we got to take Canadian to this event and bummed about with my two sisters. It was my first time trying out the light rail and I must say it was incredibly easy. Aside from nearly falling back in the manual wheelchair the first time because physics, it was nearly perfect.

After we had dinner, because everyone was starving, we hit the streets to see all the artists (or all the accessible artists for me but that’s how it goes). You get a whole assortment of different people from photographers to painters, musicians to various performing arts. Only a few minutes in, someone was shouting about Star Wars collectibles. The Missus, as kind as she is, grabbed one for me for if you didn’t already know, I’m a huge Star Wars fan from a young age. I nearly made my parents sick of The Empire Strikes Back because I wanted to watch it, rewind, and watch it again back to back to back but that’s a story for another time. So here we have some kind gent handing out Star Wars collectibles. What I received was a slip of paper with Carrie Fisher’s face on, printed like money as you can see.

Star Wars Collectible Front

Being at First Friday, I noted it to be some kind of art thing and went along our trip through the various creators and performers. Honestly, I was pretty content having some artist rendition of Princess Leia in my pocket that I’d get to really look at when I get home as it was hard to look at with such little light and my eyesight sucks as it is. We went about our business. It was crowded, it was loud, and it was nearly impossible to see everything even if accessibility wasn’t an issue. Nonetheless, it was fantastic to be with friends and family, seeing all the things First Friday offers. We got free hugs, complimented a few on some truly epic and stylish facial hair, and jeered an obnoxious protester on his poorly thought out sign.

Now, this is something I need to take a break and discuss. First, for the record, you love and believe whatever it is that you want. If you suddenly got worried by me saying that then maybe you should turn back now. You can put up with me rambling about something else if you like or go back to doing whatever you do, I won’t judge. Now that’s out of the way, let’s get back to this minor tangent. It really grinds my gears how many people out there like to tell you how you are supposed to be or shit on something you like just because it isn’t for them. In short, it’s not cool. Now when people decide they are going to tell others how to be and they have a questionably worded sign, you know I can’t resist the bait. This sign read, “homo sex is a sin.” Read into that however you will but I’m going to let you in on the little joke we all had while passing this guy. Now, I hate telling people how to behave or what to do, yet, the sorry truth that I learned from this sign is that human sex is a sin. Sorry everyone, doing the do with a human is sinful. Pass it along to your friends because we gotta spread the word!

Now that sarcasm dipped tangent is complete, back to the story of my shiny new Star Wars Princess Leia collectible that I’m going to share with everyone. That’s right, it will be ours. This will be owned by the… umm… I’ve never thought of a catchy name to call you readers other than readers… Torsolings? Torso Collective? The Torso Tribe? Friends? Ok, some of those are really bad. How about Adventurers? You folks can tell me what you like and I’ll stop getting distracted and tell the damned story.

SO! I have this piece of paper, it is in my pocket for the whole night. I know this because I checked countless times and yes, I know I’m a geek. We eventually get tired because giving hugs and telling at badly written signs and laughing at worse puns is exhausting. Thus from the light rail, to our beast of a car, dropping off both my sisters as we gave them a ride, and heading home to relax and start the night time routine which I have lately been calling in my best Sam Jackson voice, “Go The Fuck To Sleep” time. I unload my pocket of my phone because it’s the only thing I travel with that doesn’t really require my coat (yeah, that’s a thing) and remember that slip of paper. My Star Wars collectible the Missus kindly stopped to grab for me. I sit at my desk to clean my latest piercing and take a good look at it. I flip it over.

Now this is the point in our story where everything comes full circle and maybe you see why that tangent was relative. I have flipped this Star Wars related item over to see if anything is on the back. Admittedly, I expected it to be blank. Just a piece of white paper that this had been printed on. I was mistaken. What I had actually found was another piece that matched the front.

Star Wars Collectible Back

Please permit me to take another moment and mention that I really don’t care what belief you subscribe to. As long as you are happy and you aren’t stomping on the happiness of others, I think you’re good. Yet, what we have here is certainly not Star Wars or anything collectible but a Jesus note (unless you collect Jesus notes then only half of this is true and all the power to you). Now, I really have no issue with people spreading word of their beliefs. In fact, I think is helps create one of the benefits of religion. It builds community. What I do have a problem with is all the underhanded tactics some go to in order to spread the message. It very quickly changes your truth into deceit. Even better, the person handing these out made themselves a laughable hypocrite with the first few lines in this handout. You are trying to “save” others and dissuade them from lying, stealing, speaking profanely, adultery, so forth ad nauseam. Yet, you have no issue lying yourself just to get these things into the hands of passers by.

Look, before you yell at me saying that God forgives and whatnot, I know. Ask forgiveness and ye shall be forgiven, right? Yet, I don’t think that excuses the act just to pass out Jesus papers. Think of it this way, if you hand these out every day by telling people it’s something else and ask forgiveness for lying, why should you be forgiven if you’re just going to do it again tomorrow? You know, don’t answer that. My point is it’s still a dick move. You want to spread the word about your church, cause, belief, fundraiser, whatever? Just say what it is. I, for one, am not going to ridicule you for sharing your beliefs. Yet, if you lie to me just to take home your piece of propaganda or have it in hand, I’m going to have a field day with you just for being a lying asshat.

Now I’ve gotten that out, time to address my own hypocrisy. If you’ve made it this far and read my rant and are still reading, thank you and I’m sorry. Yes, I did intentionally make this blog to seem like I was excited by some new Star Wars related bobble. Honestly, I probably would rant about that out of sheer excitement. Did I just do what was done to me with this Jesus note? Yup. Really, I’m sorry about that because I hate when people do that. It’s annoying as hell to me. Though I hope that it helped convey my feelings surrounding the event and following rant. So, I hope you’ll forgive me and I won’t make this a habit.


*Author’s Note: Both images have been edited to remove any and all websites printed on the handout.

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